Those Crazy Situationists

Thanks to a certain Dumb Riffer for his lively paper on Modernism in the Streets. Delivered with characteristic bravado and intellectual force, the boy Whitney proved that these events can be as entertaining as they are informative. Furthermore, his musings on the conflict between youth and the establishment, radicalism and authority have particular relevance for contemporary Belfield. To that end, I propose a re-reading of his paper in Astra Hall, to all of our vice-presidents, fittingly tied up by the entrails of our great leader Big Brother Brady. Well, maybe not. Great paper though

Come In Michael Dwyer Your Time Is Up

I choked when he lauded 'The Trouble With Sex', I looked the other way when he applauded Irish films simply because they were Irish, but I can't stand idly by and ignore his review of Broken Flowers on DVD, published here in full as a vindication of my long-held view that Mr. Dwyer has the critical sensibilities of a blind Sherpa mountain guide isolated from peers and social evolution by the forces of nature. Except for Dywer, subsitute 'the fact that he is a silly twat' in the place of 'forces of nature'.

'Jarmusch applies his trademark sensitivity, humanity and idiosyncratic humour to a touching road movie in which a confirmed bachelor (Murray at his most impassive - or useless, depending on the soundness of your judgement) revisits former lovers when he learns he has a 19-year-old son. It becomes a melancholy journey through his past (or for the viewer, a painful journey through a woeful pile of cellushite) as he seeks out the son and discovers a great deal about himself'.

Is this the same film I saw? All Murray seemed to learn was that the lazier the role, the easier the money, and all I learned on this voyage of self-discovery was something I should have already known. Jarmusch is a moron. And so is Michael Dwyer. Guilt through association

Heheheh

Today's word: Celebritard. Found halfway through a highly amusing article on Pete Doherty - SBoA you must check this out - posted by these highly entertaining gentlemen. Originally from Hecklerspray. Great Site.

To Own or not to Own?

Recently, as friends, enemies and casual well-wishers alike have began to penetrate our intimate conversations with problematic phrases like "It's only for 35 years", "Once I have the lodgers in place, it'll all be plain sailing" and "If I cut down on unnecessaries such as food, shower gel and a second pair of mocassins, I won't even feel the payments coming out of my bank account", my thoughts have naturally turned to the perilous topic of home ownership. It's all the rage nowadays, especially among, well, everyone. Trading up or trading down, this property craze has us all acting like clowns and it is PARALYZING mature conversations. Oh how I yearn for the days when all we talked about was the meaning of Smiths songs, and sartorial elegance was confined to wandering around your rustic, leaky bedsit in nowt but a moth-ridden bedrobe, simultaneously fashioning the remnants of your spartan food cupboard into something vaguely edible and looking for bits of hash on the unfortunately brown carpet. Now hoodies have been replaced by Woodies and "I got a good deal" refers to the porcelain tea set idling in the kitchen in preparation for a visit from Aunty Mabel.

So to buy or not to buy? Is it really worth all the hassle? The principle reason for pitching the wigwam is that people are sick of throwing dead money away every week, especially to a landlord that complacently refuses to fix the broken kitchen. But surely this dead money has its uses. Once you've paid your rent, your responsibility for the property and its infinite perils is spirited away. You don't need to worry about leaks, cracks, carpets, or cookers. It's all somebody else's problem. On the other hand, when the deeds reside in your bureau by the telephone in the porch, well, all is changed utterly. And as for dead money, a friend recently pointed out to me that it would be 21 years before his mortgage payments covered the price of the house and the interest owed to the bank in equal measure. Concomitantly, we realise once again that the banks are the biggest fuckers of all on this dizzying carousel.

So it's a path fraught with intrepid danger. And with significant cost, regardless of whether you continue to be buggered by your landlord or enslaved by this state's eminent financial institutions. I'll leave the last word(s) to my favourite wordsmith, the inimitable Dylan Moran.

"If you rent, you spoon feed your future to an insatiable landlord; if you buy, you spend all day rehearsing pleas to the bailiffs. You have to pay lawyers, life insurers, the council, service charges and the wandering minstrel house buyers triangle band. There's rent, street tax and all the money you need for Windowlene. It's all impossible, but you have to do it."

Wahey!

Having spent the weekend crippled by migraine, I found myself a thoroughly spent force this morning. You can imagine, then, my total and utter horror at finding out that Wikipedia is down.

How to Procrastinate??

Well, thanks to dear old Caddy, a void is filled. Here are my "7 Things".

1. Seven Things I Must Do Before I Die

1. Kill James Blunt
2. Cut an album
3. Write wickedly funny satire that will make people wonder "Myles who??"
4. Learn the mysteries of the four-hand-reel
5. Find a useful channel for my vast reserves of anger and contempt
6. Commit to a career.
7. Convince Ireland that Ray D'Arcy is not really a great fella. He is, in actual fact, a shite.
8. Destroy Fine Gael
9. Present Questions and Answers and side with the small man while simultanaeously paddling John Bowman and reciting the Magnificat
10. Convince people whose hair is clearly greying, but who have lashed on the Just for Men, but seek to cunningly disguise this fact by leaving just a hint of their natural colour around the temples, that they're fooling NOBODY!!

2. Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Forgive
2. Forget
3. Repent
4. Repeal
5.Revise
6. Revere
7. Revoke

3. Seven Things That Attract Me To A City

1. Its history
2. Its cafés and bookshops
3. Its music scene
4. Its walkability
5. Its people
6. Its cuisine
7. How much fun it is to simply "be" there

4. Seven Things I Say

1. Bono is a dick
2. Ah come on
3. Die Blunt Die!
4. Decidedly shambolic
5. I thoroughly concur
6. It's not a complaint, merely an observation
7. Don't make me laugh...bitterly (stolen from the great Dylan Moran

5. Seven Books I Like

1. The Lord of the Rings
2. Down and Out in Paris and London
3. Lost Illusions by Balzac
4. Round Ireland With A Fridge
5. The Barracks
6. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
7. More Than A Game (Con Houlihan selection)

6. Seven Movies That I Loved

1. The Motorcycle Diaries
2. The Edukators
3. Almost Famous
4. O Brother Where Art Thou
5. High Fidelity
6. Fellowship of the Ring
7. Traffic

7. Seven People To Tag

1. Shane
2. Karl
3. Dav
4. My Blogless Better Half!
5. Small Ball of Anger
6. Brophicus Maximus
7. Aunty Helpful Dictator

I know most of you have already been tagged, but i don't care. There are no rules here. Mwuhahahaha.

Top of the League, Mary

I have been quite belittling of Mary Hanafin recently, and I don't think I have been too out of order. However, on the issue of School League tables, one might argue that she has proven herself a worthy enough Minister for Education. In response to Damien Kiberd's criticism of the proposed scheme - the parameters were limited, limp, insipid and anodyne - and Olywn Enrights nonsensical rumblings about how Fine Gael would have the same scheme, only better - enough already! - Hanafin sold her scheme quite well. It would take the emphasis away from the narrow parameter of Leaving Cert results and would grade schools more on the grounds of facilities, accessibility, extra-curricular achievements etc. While these indicators of the quality of a school have in-built snob-value-systems too, it is difficult to argue that this new, expanded scheme is no improvement on the old system.

Kiberd, however, did make a very good point. If school league tables were extended to assess the improvement of a student from 1st to 6th year, we would then be making progress. On the other hand, his suggestion was characteristically vague and would, no doubt be extremely difficult to implement.

It is interesting to note that almost the entire Questions and Answers audience disagreed with school league tables alone. This near-universal unanimity was broken only by the tiring catch-caws of the odd sniping parent, wondering 'how he could know what was best for his child'. This is the type of guttersnipe that has his eight year old daughter enrolled in Yoga through French without ever wondering how to nourish a love of enlightenment within her that might last a lifetime, and worries about cultural change robbing his offspring of their childhood without ever making the profound realisation that he might be doing it himself all on his own.

The debate raised the interesting and important issue of the media setting the public agenda. Bowman stated explicitly, regardless of the implications for parents, children and teachers, that "You can't stop the media publishing school league tables". In fairness, we can't really expect John to care, especially as his own sprogs were schooled in Sandford Park, one of Dublin's premier private schools. He was reprimanded by a former ASTI General Secretary - herself critical of this drive for information which, she alleged, was being fuelled by a very small band of middle-class parents - when he said "Education Correspondents will tell you nothing exercises parents more than school league tables," to which she tellingly replied "No, John, nothing exercises education correspondents more than school league tables!" This, if nothing else, suggests that the newspaper men need watching in this area. Next September, when the latest batch of feeder schools are announced, check the education pages for analysis of funding and our low OECD rating....

Britain is now getting rid of school league tables on account of the MASSIVE damage they have inflicted upon an already-beinighted education system. We ourselves are about to embark on even more comprehensive grading of our schools than is already in place.

We made the same mistake with Ballymun.

Is It All Really Worth It?

Today's Irish Times carries a picture of a young Lebanese Muslim Shia child beating himself with a razor - A RAZOR! - during a religious ceremony in Nabatiyeh, South Lebanon yesterday.

Has anyone else seen this photo? The child's face is drenched with his own blood, drawn from the self-inflicted scars that cover his scalp. His eyes stare vacantly at the camera, his mouth is open wide as he wields his razor over his head.

The poor, poor child. No religious ceremony, image or tradition can justify what he is doing to himself. It is barbarous. Absolutely barbarous.

To those who might criticize me for being disrespectful towards Islamic culture, I ask this one simple question; if you were aware that this was happening as part of a Catholic ceremony/protest in Drumcondra, Rathfarnham, Mullingar, Castlebar, or any Irish town, can you honestly say that you wouldn't be outraged?

It's a bad world. And as always, it's the kids that are caught bang in the fucking middle

Bono Fide Bastards

God I hate them. Six Grammies this year. 21 in all. And no one knows who Sons and Daughters are. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own was awarded song of the year. How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb got the Best Album gong. The starving children in Africa must be delighted. I wonder are they listening to U2 pathetically parodying ther earlier form on their custom signed I-Pods. Oh wait, Bono gave his last one to George Bush.

Bah. Humbug.

Three Cheers for Ireland!

Finally a good news story. The European Commission yesterday urged all members of the Union to follow Ireland's example and remove restrictions on the movement of workers from Eastern Europe. That's gas isn't it? Our little corrupt, gombeen state leading the way on such an important issue?
FG and Labour have done irreparable damage to their electoral chances on this issue, and this crank believes that we could be witnessing a Road to Damascus moment. However incompetent the present incumbents are, they are a great deal better than the alternative - and I state this as Mayoman with no party affiliations WHATSOEVER, who would benefit greatly in having two fellow county men in the hot seats. The country on the other hand...

I rarely get to say this, but..........I'm with McDowell on this one, who said that the Commission Report showed that the Labour Party's reference to the introduction of work permits was "politically wrong and economically purposeless". Amen

From todays Irish Times (How do you make the copyright symbol?)

Royston Repents

Sorry for

1. The sluggish reply to topics on Q and A this week. I know its Thursday and I know I have no life. But these issues are important ones and I'm intent on covering them. Also I've been sick.

2. The lack of light-hearted stuff of late. It's a cruel cruel world out there!

Tommorrow: Strippers and Teachers

Debate Over Muslim Caricature

I'm not going to add my two cents here, as I have already done so here. Dav is covering this debate quite well and I would urge you to check out his views on the matter, and the views of our resident politics/media sage, Caddicus. What I will do is give a brief run-down of the the conflicting ideas propounded by the panel on Questions and Answers on Monday night.

Damien Kiberd: "We should not compromise hard-won freedoms. The cartoons are unedifying but that's the flip-side of free speech".

Finola Meredith: Too gratuitous (not here, the cartoons)

David Norris: Human life is more sacred than any image, however regrettable the images might be, and, as such, the radical Islamic response is outrageous.

And finally, Mary Hanafin actually said this, I'm not making it up, I heard it with my own tired ears...

"Anything that causes offence should not be published"

Welcome to the Thirties!

My own personal view is that Muslims have every right to be offended by the images, but those who have embraced violence as a result of the offence caused have no right to be so fucking militant about it. But they were, and they are, so it's a a problem that cannot be avoided.

And I completely agree with the argument that media nourishment of the issue was a cynical attempt to hijack the issue to increase circulation. Typical. And wrong

Ownership of 1916

Mary Hanafin is a "great fan of the Proclamation". She said so herself on Questions and Answers on Monday night. The Minister of Education, or CEO of MurderMachine.Com if you like, commended the progressiveness of the document, and pointed out that 1916 belongs to us all, as part of our heritage. This was peculiar given that the 75th anniversary celebrations of the Rising in 1991 were extremely low-key. Heritage, like commemoration it appears, is a very flexible friend.

The question of ownership of 1916 is not one that has taken quietly to the bed, even after the greater part of a century. Its commemoration in 1991 was subdued because of the physical force element of the Rising, which was perceived by elements within the still-active Provisional IRA as bestowing legitimacy on any armed struggle that confronted the imperial might of the British. The legacy of the Rising was, therefore, tainted, and consequently ignored by the political establishment. The media chose to follow suit. The rancorous debate surrounding the issue is catalogued in Revising the Rising, a collection of essays dealing with the ins and outs of one of Irish History's most contested issues.

The rancour has not died down, and the debate on Q and A highlighted this reality. Hanafin's remarks were typically generic and did not address the underlying motivation behind Fianna Fáil's race to the bottom of the commemoration barrel, i.e., to head the Shinners off at the pass. Her reading of the situation was hotly contested by the always entertaining but perpetually blundering David Norris, who questioned the wisdom behind commemorating an event so shrouded in the concept of 'blood sacrifice', Pearse's wonderful euphenism for shepherding the boys of St. Enda's through cleansing ritual of sacrificing their internal organs on the battlefield to purge Hibernia of its former tragedies. Knock-out stuff.

The real legacy of 1916 is this. The promises made, however honorable and high-minded, ushered in a generation of politicians so bereft of imagination and a sense of civic duty that the "august destiny" promised in the Proclamation had much more of the cold, dark November night about it; censorship, conservatism, religious orthodoxy and an horrendous, explicit contempt for the less prosperous elements of society. The celtic, catholic mysticism inherent in the document contributed to the alienation of the North, which was clearly highlight by Finola Meredith on Q and A, who, a northerner herself, felt outside the parameters of the debate.

This is not to blame the leaders of the Rising for what came in the aftermath. But it is to highlight how their contemporaries, hiding behind the progressiveness of the Proclamation, proceeded to enforce the exact opposite kind of society that was promised by Pearse's words. This political dishonesty is still rampant today; every time a Fianna Fáiler opens his/her mouth, an angel in heaven dies.

That we haven't come so far as we may like to think was borne out by the tenor of the debate, which receded gradually from a simple question asked by an audience member into an an impassioned, narrow, sniping debate.

As for commemorating the event, I'll leave the last word to Finola Meredith, who, as a northerner should probably feel even more betrayed by the unkept promises of 1916 - the political establishment turned avoiding the issue of partition into a fine art for over fifty years. In response to Bertie's pledge to hold a military parade, she questioned this show of armed "might".

"By all means let's have remembrance, but remembrance in a nuanced way. Not by parading military might up and down O'Connell Street while the conflict in the North is unresolved"*

*I'm paraphrasing here, but it's extremely close to what she actually said.

Bollox Bollox Bollox

Have just deleted an entire post about ownership of 1916. Bollox. And I don't have time to retype it. Tomorrow's posts will also deal with School League Tables, The Stringfellows debate and why Questions and Answers should have David Norris every week.

Also, I ran a 5 mile race on Sunday. In 38 minutes. I'm still high from it!

Tough One

Family Guy or South Park? This has been bugging me all weekend

Bush-els of Nonsense

"In a time of testing, we cannot find security by abandoning our commitments and retreating within our borders. If we were to leave these attackers alone, they would not leave us alone. They would simply move the battlefield to our own shores. There is no peace in retreat. And there is no honour in retreat."

I don't feel the need to retaliate verbally against this sanctimonious drivvel. But y'all feel free to do so.

No Sleaze in Our Area!

Big shout out to Vera Brady, who stood 'shivering in the cold outside Stringfellows' at its grand opening last night, waving placards and forecasting doom.

"This used to be a safe place", she roared, "Now I'll be living next door to a strip club. Men coming out of there will be all hyped up. How do we know if women will be safe?"

1. Parnell Street is, and probably always be, a shithole. It is one of the least appealing areas of Dublin, notable only for the UGC cinema - I'll be cold in my grave before I acknowledge it as 'cineworld' - and the delicious pork sausages sold in Aldi, a top-end foot retail outlet...Stringfellows is not even making a bad situation worse. It couldn't possibly have gotten any worse than it already was.

2. The terrifying image of testosterone-fuelled alpha males tumbling out on the streets after a lap-dance and ravaging the local squaws because they want the real thing is frankly laughable. This doesn't happen outside Lapellos on Dame Street, which, incidentally, is a far more scurrilous establishment, so why should it happen outside Stringfellows?

I can't bring myself to believe that Vera Brady is actually a real person. But the above quotation, and the one that follows, is from the Irish Times and is part of a report by Carl O'Brien, an eminently serious journalist who usually covers the Childrens' Court. As a parting shot, our crusading hero blamed "the dancing laws that go back to 1935...That was for Irish dancing. There's none of that going on in here".

You couldn't make it up. I passed Stringfellows last night on my way to the Cobblestone for a trad session. Vera Brady was not alone. These people have far, FAR too much time on their hands.

And it wasn't cold enough to cause a person to shiver. It was, in fact, quite mild!

I should point out that I'm no great advocate of strip clubs, I simply don't think their particulary harmful, especially ones like Stringfellows, which maintain a high media profile and are, as such, more accountable than places like Lapellos. The behaviour of some club owners towards their staff is deplorable and wrong. But I fear this was not the motive behind the protests last night. It was the frenzied braying of conservative yahoos, the natural successors to the honorable citizens who assaulted pro-choice campaigners in 1983 and were the architects of a moral climate that saw children born out of wedlock legally recognized as second class citizens until the 1970s. And I have no time for them.

Kenny's Heroes

From 'Dáil Sketch' by Frank McNally

'A huffy Fine Gael leader demanded an apology for Brian Lenihan's suggestion that his party was "racist" in raising the issue (of early childcare payments to migrant workers). And while Mr Ahern accepted it was not, he said that if the Government had excluded migrants, "I'd have been called the biggest racist in this house".
Irish emigrants in the EU had benefited for decades from similar arrangements and there was no use "groaning and moaning now" because the situation had been reversed, he said.'

Copyright The Irish Times

Good point by Bertie. But why did he accept that FG was not being racist in raising the issue. The cost to the exchequer will be minimal, including migrants in the scheme is not only fair play, it is an acknowledgement of EU law, and in raising the issue on Questions and Answers, Mad Cow McGuinness nourished her thinly veiled attack on sustained immigration with the inference that concern on this point among the voters of middle Ireland was steadily increasing.

How is this not racism?

And another salient point. Why is the media, in its silent complicity, not bringing the Opposition to book over this??