Chaos and Cacophony from a Jumped-Up Country Boy

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Nice to see you, to see you Nice

It's good to be back. Spent July in South America with A. and most of August feeling maudlin. What a continent. We were there for nearly a month and even then only sampled but a tiny glimpse of this awesome carnival of humanity and nature trapped in an endless tango with each other. I'm not really down with going into intense detail regarding holidays, but here are a few tips based on my own experiences south of the equator.

1. Eat lots and lots of steak. It's cheap and does things to your pallet that really, really should be against the law. The wrongly-beefed up(geddit??) Irish steak can go and fuck rrrrrrrrrrrright off. Had 9 in my 8 first days in Argentina, after which I apparently rolled around in bed approximating the actions of someone having a stroke mumbling 'No more steak, no more steak'. Am seeking help.

2. Learn to Tango. The exuberance of Riverdance delivered in a sleazy, arrogant dockside container. If Tom Waits was a dance, he would be a Tango; the dance of lost souls and tawny whores.

3. Bring your own music. Aside from attending a German folk festival - had me begging for the Hoff - the music in South America is possibly the worst I've ever experienced. Think Ricky Martin jammin' with the Gypsy Kings. Not a pretty sight.

4. GO TO RIO; Undoubtedly the most captivating city in the world. It's an urban carousel wrapped around a rainforest, protected by proud, incredible hills and worshipped by golden beaches and the beautiful people that fill them. And go to a match in the Maracana. I have an article appearing soon in the Mayo News on said subject which I'll link to when it's published. Truly unforgettable.

5. Read the Buenos Aires Quintet by Manuel Vasquez Montalban and Futebol; The Brazilian Way of Life by Alex Bellos. Ideal pals for those night long buses. Also read At-Swim Two Birds again, Bound for Glory by Woodie Guthrie - if you ever want words to resemble the wispy freedom of the wind tumbling through your hair, then this is the book for you - and The Pavilion on the Links, a wonderfully atmospheric novella by Robert Louis Stevenson. To re-cap, bring lots of books, you'll be travelling over huge distances. And finally........

6. Go to Iguazu Falls. You'll know why when you get there.

In my absence, the obvious occurred. Inconsolable Royston lovers, incredulous that their leader would vanish into the murky tropics, organised themselves into a charming cult.
Based in Glasgow - I visited there a few years ago and delivered an inspiring performance from a soapbox on George Square that marked the beginning of a close relationship with the city, and my inevitable veneration - the cult is gaining in popularity and rightly so. Although I distance myself from the more extreme elements within the sect, in particular those bent on flaggelation, I must admit that I am touched that my views and spiritual candour have finally been recognised. And just for the record, despite the setback of someone having published in my area of historical investigation, research is proceeding apace. Rapture will come. You have been warned!!