Fintan Connolly....The Hooker with the Heart of Gold

Contemporary Irish life is crying out for films dealing with the complexity of modern relationships and the massive changes that have transpired over the past 15 or so years. Unfortunately, this yawning chasm of awfulness simply doesn’t cut it. Set in noughties Dublin, it features some excellent cinematography, and makes great use of both the brilliant, orchestral light that so brings Dublin to life and the new yuppie breeding ground that is the IFSC. However, while Tokyo gave us Lost in Translation and Paris gave us After Sunset, Dublin has given us a film that even the most ardent mother could not be proud of. Looser than a Moore Street traders tongue, and about as charming as the murky Liffey waters upon which the story is set, it fails to either shed light on the intricacies of the human condition or excite knowing glances between lovestruck couples looking for a mirror of their own situation. Our bumbling hero Conor (Aiden Gillen reminds one of Colin Farrell sans looks, charm or talent, and acts like a moody adolescent throughout, while his femme fatale, the haughty, well-to-do Michelle (Renee Waldron) delivers one excellent line – having been made aware of her boss’s cruel intentions, she retorts, ‘I’ve got a boyfriend and his name’s FUCK OFF!’ Priceless – and spends the rest of the film indulging in the most hilarious attempts at on-screen lovemaking since Angeline Ball got her kit off in Bloom. The characters toy with your sanity. The storyline seems like a pointless, sickening collage of mind-numbing small talk interspersed with terrible terrible sex scenes and the dialogue…not since Ted and Dougal entertained Father Stone has there been such stilted awkwardness. While on one hand, Fintan Connolly should be commended for trying his best, one is reminded of Sean Connery’s immortal line to Nicholas Cage in The Rock…’Your best? Huh. Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the Prom Queen.’ Set your standards a little higher Fintan and show us what you’re made of!!