Asbos of Bother

Anti-Social behaviour. Hmmm. Problematic, catch-all term for dilemma thrown up by the inequalities of modern society which lead to 'youths' wearing hoodies and throwing bricks through windows while puking on their grannies.

Fine Gael. Mmmmm. Assortment of empty political vessels, drifting aimlessly accross the sea of legislative wilderness, both feeding and responding to the fears of people who rely FAR too much on the Evening Herald to tell them what is really going on.

Hmmmm.

People are afraid. They are terrified of 'evil' forces that they perceive to be all around them. The papers report 'killing sprees' and widespread criminality. The people buy security cameras. And guard dogs. And guns. Tills throughout the land sing with buoyancy.

The people who are afraid generally have the most to lose; Fine houses, fancy cars and beige sweaters. These people largely listen to classical music which, shock horror, retails at a far lower price than the angry rap/death metal music so enjoyed by those they are afraid of. I know this is a sweeping generalisation...but you know what I'm getting at.

The beige brigade are afraid. Of course they're afraid. Having monopolised everything worth monopolising, they have hidden behind their imposing gates and walls, venturing out only to further plunder a society that they have no time for, and, through their friends in the media and the halls of political discourse, they inform the rest of humanity that their lifestyle is to be sought after, even though they know that their own opulent standard of living is largely off limits to almost everyone but themselves and their offspring.

The dudes in hoodies are angry. Society tells them to take their hoods down. Society tells them in no uncertain terms that they are a shower of malevolent cunts who are ruining modern Ireland's feel-good buzz and diluting the smugness that has come with comfortable living. And while these angry, disaffected people are small in number now, these fantastically snot-nosed, POINTLESS anti-social behaviour orders - coming, incidentally, at a time when the crime rate in Ireland is FALLING - will only add to their number. Because by getting tough on people who have little choice but to reject the mores of a society that wishes they would all go away, you will only strengthen their resolve.

Let's cut to the chase. Crime will never cease. Cars will be stolen, as will phones, plasma tv's and even people. But the answer, Benito McMussoliniDowell, is not to level the size nines at the most disaffected members of our society. The answer is simple, but it will never happen. Stop, in the name of God, stop defining yourself by what you own, what you drive, how much designer make-up you can get on your fat, ugly face. Stop preserving a level of prosperity that doesn't even make you happy. Face up to the fact that you can never fully insulate yourself from this cruel cruel world...because the more you try to, the more likely it will be that the next brick thrown will come through your window.

P.S. Do you know what I think constitutes anti-social behaviour? J.P. McManus's new gaff, which was given massive coverage by Tony 'I made my money canning beans and now I'm a Philanthropist O'Reilly's Indocircus while one of his companies sacked 400 people. 50,000 square feet, roughly 25 times the size of a normal residence. Twenty million euro. For pity's sake, spend 2 million, build a smaller house, save the environment and give the rest to the homeless. That, at least, would be a start.

'Individuals have taken over common land by ruse or violence, declaring themselves its owners; they have established by law that it will always be theirs, and that the right to property will become the foundation of the social constitution; which is to say that it will come before and, if need be, absorb all human rights, even that to life, if it has the ill fortune to find itself in conflict with the privilege of a small number.'

August Blanqui, Who Makes The Soup Should Eat It